


on the fifth day, she rises

by capaldi



Category: Lost Girl
Genre: Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-05
Updated: 2014-02-05
Packaged: 2018-01-11 05:32:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1169271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capaldi/pseuds/capaldi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>apparently, kenzi's not that special because she deals with grief just like everyone else. following the aftermath of 4x11.</p>
            </blockquote>





	on the fifth day, she rises

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this piece during class so no promises on quality

i.

Kenzi doesn’t make a habit of loving people.

With Hale, she steps into unfamiliar territory. Unvaccinated against loss.

There are hushed voices in the next room. She tries to sit up and listen but she can’t. A paralysis descends, crushing her limbs with deadweight force. Someone carried her to the bed, she remembers. And then a hand and a face.

Face. She sees Hale’s. Here and everywhere, his beaming visage. Sometimes it carries like a whisper, sometimes it carries like a scream. A watery afterimage of laughter and love. One minute he’s by her bedside and the next--

She blinks, and he dies a second, third, and fourth time.

 

ii.

“Get. Out.”

It’s not just antagonistic. There’s a feral element to Kenzi’s expression that provokes Bo to snatch away her drink.

“Kenzi.” Bo’s eyes are ablaze with concern, but it’s pity that dictates her tone.

She wants to close her eyes, but she’s afraid of hearing another voice whispering her name.

“Let me help.”

_Fuck. You._

She smashes the bottle against the counter. The pieces embed in her hand, painting a crimson trail down her arm. Kenzi doesn’t flinch. Bo doesn’t either, but there’s a fear unfurling behind those widened eyes.

Good. No more pity.

 

iii.

Bo refused her. She begged and begged for her to bring him back. _Take my chi_ , she all but screamed. Kenzi chooses Hale and Bo chooses Kenzi.

It’s not the end because there’s never just one way. Kenzi searches for answers on her own and finds them.

But of course, somehow Bo figures out about her visit to the Morrigan. “She’s dangerous, Kenzi. You have no idea what she’s capable of.”

“Well apparently, more than you,” Kenzi snaps back. This higher moral ground she’s been treading, she’s tired of it. It’s time for a change.

“There’s always a heavy price when it come to dealing with the Morrigan.” Bo grips her shoulders, pleading. “Don’t do this Kenzi.”

She almost laughs. Who’s begging now?

“You don’t get it, Bo. I don’t care.”

 

iv.

It’s unfair, she wants to shout.

Instead she numbs her mouth with shots of tequila and smacks away Trick’s hand when he tries to wrestle the bottle from her.

“Bo, she asked for Bo. The Morrigan, that was her price,” she cries, between hiccups. “And I just…I couldn’t--”

She should have. Given up Bo that is. Because Bo is stronger than anyone Kenzi’s ever known and she can handle herself because she’s escaped the Dark’s clutches on more than one occasion. And Kenzi would have had her love back.

When the Morrigan named her price, Kenzi struggled. Struggled to say yes, because reason was screaming it in her ear. But something stupid and utterly primal made her say “no” and she regrets and regrets until she realizes she’d do the same thing all over again.

“God I’m so weak.”

 

v.

Four days have passed since the funeral. On the fifth, she walks to the living room and says it.

“Hale’s dead.”

There’s a pause, where Bo’s looking at her and Kenzi’s looking at something. This time when Bo approaches, there’s sympathy without the pity. “I know. And I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, me too.” It sounds a little soulless, but Kenzi’s been trying to fix that. It takes time to piece together a fragmented heart. She tries, but gets caught on the splintered shards. The warmth of words. Smiles through kisses. A heart against her palm.

She bleeds on his absence and it hurts. Too much. She’s not sure if she’s strong enough to withstand the pain and still be a person afterwards.

In the end, she’s back at the start. Self-preservation kicking in like a long forgotten mechanism. Sealing her heart into obscurity.

Kenzi makes a habit of loving no one at all.


End file.
